i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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