I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize