The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
