I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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