my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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