i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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