I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
