when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
only if we run a train.
done.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
