I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
