I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
