dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
