trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
