He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
