You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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