yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
