God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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