Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
