I am puke
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
