Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
