Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
