spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
