Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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