I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
