walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
