Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
