My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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