Well douche your snatch and let's go!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
