dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
