if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
