She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
