Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
