I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
vagina is talking i cant
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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