Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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