The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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