my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
