You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
