nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My ass is underappreciated
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
