How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize