he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
