I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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