everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
