i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i've created a new STD.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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