There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
