I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
This house was built for laser tag.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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