Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize