Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
