And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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