i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
