i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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