oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nicole vs. Life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
