Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
