you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
