There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
