I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
