like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
