She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just gargled with NyQuil
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
