How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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