Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
