I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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