Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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