i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
