Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
