Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
