Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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