YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
