And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
