id be glad to
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize