Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
