I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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