this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
