similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
