There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
