It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
