Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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