Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
