just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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