What a fucking waste of an outfit
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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