A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
