Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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