She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
